But I Have to go to the Bathroom!!!!!

Another one of Mindy's demands....it had better be worth it... ;) It seems as though all most of my embarrassing moments deal with bodily fluids. Namely, the one that comes from your bladder.

1) I was around 4-ish? (Correct me, Mom, if I'm wrong...) My mom was taking a church group to the filming of a children's TV show. I don't know why, but I was chosen to be part of it. In this show, kids are given the opportunity to tell "Floppy", a dog puppet, a joke. Well, I'd had given it much thought. I didn't want to tell the same knock-knock joke everyone tells. Or the same old "Why'd the chicken cross the road?" So I thought of my own, hilarious joke. A riddle, if you will....

4 year old me: "What's blue and white?"
Floppy: very puzzled "I don't know, honey, what is it?"
4 year old me: "BROOOOOWN."

Very funny, no? As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, you are probably asking yourself were the bodily secretions come in.....here it comes....Let me just preface by saying, I am sure I had some medical condition that didn't allow me to hold my bladder as soon as I partook of any liquid. As I recall, we had sodas on the way there.....back to the recording studio....

So us kids had to sit on chairs, in rows as the other kids took their turns telling jokes. I was on the front row, of course- I was so cute, that is naturally where they would strategically place me. The urge hit me. I motioned to my mom that I HAD TO GO! NOW! I wasn't allowed to just get up in the middle of a recording. But I couldn't hold it anymore. And there I was, on camera. And I wet my pants. I'm sure my mom was never so proud. First, her darling daughter tells a stellar joke, and the next minute, she is wetting herself in front of a captive audience. Proud moment, I tell ya.

2) I was out of high school, and my brother's friend- who was more like my brother, asked me out on a date. We went bowling to the classy bowling alley not too far from my home. I felt a small need to empty my bladder, but decided against it given the state of the bathrooms the last time I had used them. No big deal, we were almost done with our game. Little did I know, he had plans to take me to an ice cream parlor- 15 minutes away. This particular ice cream joint has no public restroom. No problem. He made small talk as we ate our frozen confections. I have no idea what it was about. I couldn't concentrate on anything but the growing urge inside my bladder. It was a long drive home. As we approached the front door, I knew I needed to make it quick and get inside. But if you know my dad, you know that the door was most certainly locked. Murphy's Law states that when a door is locked, whether you needed to go or not, you will suddenly have an irresistible urge to pee. So when you already have that overwhelming feeling, there is no stopping it. The flood gates opened, and the entire contents of my bladder, now soaked my pants. Luckily, I had on a jacket, and I nonchalantly took it off and wrapped it around my waist. My Dad came to the door, and slipped in past him. He stood and talked to my date for a minute, I guess. Neither of them ever knew. Until now, that is.

3) Randy and I took a few days for ourselves in St. George several years back. Grandma and Grandpa watched the kids and we stayed at a nice little Bed and Breakfast. One of the days, we went to a fun center and played a round of mini- golf. Lets just say, Randy was being really goofy and my laughter got the best of me. I lost it right there on the green. How romantic is that?! Your wife wets her pants while playing mini-golf. Nice.

As you can see, I have issues. And only one of these incidents took place after bearing children. So as much as I love trampolines, I just can't do it.