I'm a Wreck

I am an emotional wreck right now. I'm sure it's in part, due to those fabulous hormones women are lucky enough to have. But most of it is the realization that Casey's childhood days are coming to a swift halt.

I didn't cry when I dropped him off for his first day of kindergarten. I couldn't figure out why other moms were giving their kids teary-eyed goodbyes and I was happy the day had finally arrived. What was wrong with me?! Oh, if I could only go back. If I could realize just what people were trying to tell me- that it goes by way too fast. Surely they were mistaken. Didn't they know that the five years leading up to that point seemed like an eternity to me?

I realize now what I didn't then. The past seven years have flown by. They have been full. We have added three more kids to our family since that day. And yet, it seems like yesterday I was helping out in his kindergarten classroom. I was pretty involved in his class until third grade when it just got to be too much to drag unwilling kids with me. So I have felt somewhat guilty and uninvolved the past three years. That is probably part of what helped me decide to jump into PTA.

So here we are. I looked forward to today with great anticipation. The last day of school- the beginning of summer! The beginning of 'we can do what we want today'. What I didn't anticipate was the flood of emotions that would come over me at the sixth grade graduation. How can it be that I am here; the mom of a kid who will no longer sit at the same desk day after day in the safe protection of an elementary school? How did that happen?

Yesterday, I visited the Jr. High to get his schedule figured out and get him registered. As I walked into the school, I was in some what of a shock. What happened to the kids who- just a few short years ago, were at the same school I spent so much time in? They are big now. And some are a little scary. Have I really taught Casey well enough to survive there? I wasn't so sure I wanted him to go that big school next year. Maybe repeating sixth grade isn't such a bad idea after all. But I know he must move on. It is part of life and he is ready. I am not.

Hannah had her Kindergarten graduation on Wednesday. For some reason, that was OK. I was happy to see her moving on. But today, it was all I could do to keep myself from becoming a sobbing embarrassment. The graduation today was hard, but good. They sang some songs about life and about growing up. The kind of songs that make me cry anyway- let alone a day like today. A few kids gave little 'speeches' that were really quite inspiring . One girl spoke about the life of a honeybee. And how much work it takes for a bee to make one tablespoon of honey. She related it to life and the importance of hard work, and what one person can do to make a difference.

I pretty much cried through it all. I couldn't even look Casey's teachers in the eye. I didn't want to make a fool of myself by breaking down and crying hysterically. Mrs. H reiterated what I have been feeling. To enjoy the next few years, because they will be gone before I know it.

His teachers are amazing! They arrive at the school each morning around 6:30. They allow students to come starting at 7:00 to get help on work they are struggling with. Casey spent many early mornings over there. I can't thank them enough for their patience and dedication. But what I appreciate the most is their genuine love for my child. He is not always the easiest kid to love, yet they constantly tell me what a great kid he is. I am so thankful they see him for who he really is, and not just the extra effort he requires in class. They truly are angels. And I feel blessed that Casey has been a recipient of their unfailing commitment.