Nurse Nancy

I am seriously considering getting my nursing degree. Not because I want to go to work, but because it could save us a ton of money.


My mom was a nurse. She used to have these nursing books full of really graphic pictures. I loved looking though them! I guess she thought it wasn't appropriate for her young daughter to enjoy such morbid things, and she put the books away. Years later, I found them. I was so excited to flip trough them again. I turned to one of my favorite pictures- probably a lacerated tongue or a mutilated finger, and I got sick. I couldn't look. I was ruined. My dreams of becoming a nurse were shattered. How could I be in the ER and faint when a patient came in with his brains hanging out?


I took a first aid class in college and fainted during a video- I don't even remember what it was about. When Casey was a baby and had surgery, my mom had to come stay with me so she could take care of him. Whenever he got stitches, she had to come with me. It's a good thing she did, because one time, I ended up fainting right there in the ER. I fainted once when my blood was drawn. I fainted when I broke my tailbone. It is just thought of it. So when I was in labor with Casey and arrived at the hospital fully dilated, you know why I asked for anesthesia...and not the mirror. I really didn't want to be passed out for the birth of my child. But over the years, I have toughened up. Just a bit. If you know my kids, you know why I have had to. Here are some of the Jefferies' family 'stats' to the best of my recollection:



Casey: 2 sets of stitches; 5 broken bones; 3 surgeries

Hailey: 1 set of stitches; 1 broken bone; 2 surgeries

Tyler: 1 set stitches; 1 broken bone; 1 surgery

Hannah: 1 set of stitches; some staples, too; 1 surgery

Nathan: 5 sets of stitches (a set of staples, too) ; 1 surgery



And that is not counting the number of times I super glued a cut at home or the doctor used DermaBond. And contrary to popular belief many of these injuries have occurred doing normal every day things. For example, one of Casey's broken bones happened when he was walking upstairs. His ankle simply broke. And Nathan has had more than one set of stitches by simply falling at the wrong time, and say, tearing his cheek on a play birdcage. Or Hannah, falling off a bed and hitting her head on a chair.

Today was a typical day.....





Hailey turfed it on her rollerblades today. She hit a bump on the sidewalk and her knee slid against the concrete.



And I hardly flinched when we were at the sprayground and I heard Nathan crying. I figured he was tired and somebody wronged him. And then I saw the blood. Pouring out of his mouth. Tyler had gone down the slide, and he followed. He bumped into Tyler and split his lip open. It looked pretty nasty (just like the time Casey went down a slide with a metal pipe in his mouth- a long one. It hit the ground before his feet. He had a huge gauge taken out of the roof of his mouth. )Lucky for us, nothing is done for lips, so I got to save a co-pay. In fact, it already looks quite a bit better.



And then poor Tyler. We were on a walk/ bike ride when he came to a bump on the sidewalk. As he went over it, his fron t tire fell off. Completely. He fell to the ground. Luckily, he only got a little scrape.

Between the accidents and illnesses, I'm thinking maybe I should apply for an honorary nursing degree. Then I could save myself an arm and a leg in co-pays (pun intended) and from having to study those gruesome books. If nothing else, maybe I should learn how to suture.